You may have seen my Instagram post over the weekend. A screen shot (see above!) of a text message, posted by the account @wordporm. This post really resonated with me and based on the number of people who responded to my post, sounds like it resonated with a lot of you as well.
Sometimes, it’s easier to say nothing than to go into detail about what’s really going on inside our heads. Especially if the person you’re communicating with doesn’t seem to understand where you’re coming from, when you do start to share.
Or, instead of not understanding, they think it’s about them. And take it personally. When really, it’s not about them at all…it’s about you and what you’re going through. Although that’s hard for people to appreciate when they’re in the dark about what’s cycling through our minds.
A year and a half ago, I was there. At the edge of my capacity. Feeling like all I could do was the bare minimum.
Drink coffee.
Feed the dogs.
Put on pants.
And that’s about it.
To be fair, I know I should take the time to try to explain better – to help people understand what I’m going through, when I’m going through it. But sometimes it’s too hard…takes more effort than I can muster…more energy than I find capacity for. And when I’m feeling like I’m tapped out, I’m irrationally depending on my friends to still be there when I’m back on my feet and ready to engage with the world again.
And most got it, and some didn’t. And that’s okay.
I have ups and downs like we all do. Most days, I’m reconciled and okay with putting myself first without apologies in scenarios like that one, a year and a half ago. But some days, I feel guilty that I should have made more time or prioritized more time or spent more time being there for others.
But at the time, I truly didn’t think I could. And for today, and tomorrow, that’s okay. If this is part of a “self-care” definition or my way of finding some sort of harmony in the roller-coaster of life, cool.
And when you’re in that place, I’m seeing you and hearing you and totally get it. I’ll be available when you text me back.
So…in anticipation of any and all future scenarios, I’m truly sorry I didn’t text you back. But thanks for getting it when I do text you back. 🙂